Too much on my mind

At 4AM this morning when the sky started to lighten, I was more than a little upset with myself. I just couldn't sleep. Honestly, I tried. But I think I just had too much on my mind. If I'd been smart I would have gotten my butt out of bed and gone downstairs to write. Instead I watched some stupid show about cakes. Not the best use of my time.

Here's the short list that's been flowing around...

After paying the mortgage, insurance, utilities, car payment, etc., I have about $400 a month left. That's before food and fun. This time last year I had close to $1000. I am not a big spender. It's kind of scary.

Hmmm.... I am introducing the students today to No Child Left Behind. Do I want to do the historical piece, or just jump into the last 10 years?

Oh, yeah, I can't forget the difference between compulsory and compensatory education.

Should I use the NCLB video?

I really need to find my copy of the Bruner text.

Crap I haven't read the student essays.

Two weeks left for the deadline for the Citizenship piece.

The MWPSA conference call was extended to Friday. Should I send in a piece? Will MSU fund the travel if I get accepted?

I need to get the fall planting done.

Crap, I'm running out of socks. Time to do laundry.

Is public education a right or a privilege? What are the implications for learning depending on your answer?

I wonder if I use the springform pan, Will the chocolate cake turn out better?

Giants game on Sunday. It better not rain. I do not like football enough to go sit in the rain for 3 hours.

I need to write that forward for the book.

It's a relief that Teacher Ed Admissions are done. I couldn't handle another week of that.

Yeah, what goes on in my head is not a pretty thing. And that's just what I remember from last night.

For those of you who think racism is a thing of the past...

Watch this. And this. And no, this is not some old guy who is expressing his own sad and sick point of view. There are many others around him who are laughing and encouraging him.

I'd like to say that I am shocked, but sad to say, I'm not.

The DOW is below 9000 and I am really scared

Let's admit it, the dramatic side of me is one prone to hyperbolic statements. But, I think it's safe to say that I am not alone given the recent turn of events in the US market. I've found it fascinating that the talking heads have been on television saying things like, "Now is not the time to assign blame" and the like regarding the fact that we are now facing the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. But when the Dow Jones closed at 8579, I thought I was going to be sick (remember when it hit 14,000?). So much for the 850 billion bailout (or rescue, depending on the speaker).

When I think about what this means for public education, I shudder (OK, I am trembling at many things right now, but I have to stop panicking about paying my bills). Budgets are going to be stripped even more than they already have. The feds are going to cut education spending, even though they will most likely NOT lessen the NCLB stranglehold. Things are going to get a lot worse.

But it's not just about education spending, folks. Families have been struggling for a while, and it is getting much, much worse. Too many families are losing their home to foreclosure. And it's not just people who own their homes. Families who rent are also being slapped with evictions because their landlords have been foreclosed upon as well. I am not sympathizing with the property owners here. People who are renting are paying like good tenants. And they are getting screwed.

People being evicted means more kids homeless. And this is not just an urban phenomenon. It's happening everywhere, and it's going to make learning more difficult than usual. But even for families who are staying in their homes, life is going to stay pretty tough. Parents are going to make hard choices between food, utilities, insurance, etc. It's a scary thought.

For those who believe children are oblivious to this, trust me, they aren't. Many of them pick up on parental stress, and it makes them incredible anxious as well. And it's hard to be a kid who is stressed about things that are hard to understand.

Paul Newman died over the weekend

It's a sad day for goodness. Paul Newman died from cancer over the weekend. For many people, Newman was one of the great movie actors. I didn't get to know his body of work until I was an adult. However, what I really know about Newman is all of the great work he has done as a community activist. He started an educational program about drugs after his son died from an overdose. He opened the Hole in the Wall Gang camps for seriously ill children. He worked tirelessly as a philanthropist because he believed that you had to leave the world a better place.

I'm going to miss his voice on the national stage.

And I need to go watch some his movies.

Check out this other post

For those of you in Public Purposes, check out this post. It's the one I mentioned that you can use as a guide for your own writing. Clearly, it's a lot longer than 250 words. The other site, where you can find the aforementioned post will also be our landing spot for all of us. I will be entering your blogs tomorrow.

Tally ho!

OK, I don't want to quit anymore.

Today was a great day. I LOVE going into the K-12 schools, especially the school I was in today. I find so much life there. And, I have to admit that I find high school students a trip... and in a good way.

On a completely unrelated note, I got my bike fixed, too! I was really upset yesterday when she wouldn't start. Needed to charge the battery and will have to take her back to the shop to fix a short in the brake light (actually, not a short--the darn thing won't go out until I hit the kill switch), but she's on the road again. Wahoo! Which, until I start running again, is one of the only things that keeps me calm, and pleasant, and almost fun to be around.

There are days that I want to quit...

like today. I won't get into today's specifics, but I am glad the weekend is almost here. I need the time to get some perspective. In the meantime...

Teaching is incredibly personal business, especially if you take it seriously. I think I take it too seriously. Today was one of those days that included a series of interactions that felt like I got a knife in my gut. It left me doubting myself, my teaching, and who I am as a person. As a matter of fact, I am still so close to it and upset by it, that I can't write about it. I may never be able to. I can, however, give you some idea of the type of pain it is causing me.

When I taught public school, I was told that I couldn't fail a group of students because they met the attendance requirement. Didn't matter that they had averages below 60. I threw a fit and didn't get tenure.

I now teach at a public university. My second year, I gave a grad student a B+. It was a gift. She failed the final paper. She spent the first 8 pages of a ten page paper talking about how wonderful her childhood was. The purpose of the paper was to analyze the strengths and weaknesses of public education. When she didn't get her A, she went to the University Pres. and demanded that I be fired because I was clearly incompetent. I was forced to give her an A-.

I had a student cheat. I mean really cheat. Hand in the paper of another one of my students from the previous semester. Too bad he didn't bother to check that the midterm was a different test question. When I wanted to get him kicked out of school, the kid basically threatened me and I was told not to fight because the student was a star athlete. The coach could make my life a living hell.

I work really hard to challenge my students. I prepare them to be teachers. You would not believe the crap they give me when I make them read and then apply what they read. I teach them how to assess students. They learn how to write tests, construct essay prompts, etc., and how to effectively grade those assessments. And then they say things like I didn't teach them anything. I guess the hours and hours of out-of-class help and extensive feedback and comments was mental masturbation.

Of course I do a lot of other things with my students, and I have a lot of success with them. But it's days like today that overshadow the good, and make me forget why I became a teacher in the first place. And, it's days like today that make me question whether it is really worth it.

Like I said, today was a really bad day.